Very late Thanksgiving challenge

I feel like sometimes I only feel compelled to write things that bother me but these days I've noticed more and more of how God has blessed me.  It's been a whole year since the last Thanksgiving challenge but I didn't want to try to pull something out of my butt just to write about it.

But this year, I'm thankful for:

1) Apples

With my upcoming wedding, every penny counts.  But at the same time, I didn't want to sacrifice the big day so I'm doing most things DIY.  I was planning on making wedding favours - apple jelly!  They're so beautiful and the colours change with each batch depending on the skin of the apples which is perfect with the rustic theme.  However, I was really hoping to keep prices down.  In the beginning of planning, I didn't even want to give favours because they're usually thrown out after the wedding which (even if it's only a dollar per favour, it's still hundreds of dollars wasted).

So with the jelly, the jars are already quite expensive and now I need the ingredients.  Usually my colleague will bring apples from her tree to the school so I was planning on using those but I knew there wasn't going to be enough.  THIS year - the first year that it's happened - another colleague randomly emailed me about her neighbour's tree overflowing with apples and offered to give me 2 boxfuls!  That's an amazing blessing from God and I would be doing Him an injustice if I called this a lucky coincidence.

After I made a status update on Facebook due to feeling extremely blessed, my friend emailed me and said he's got some green apples in his yard that I can have too.  I didn't even know he had a tree! 

And to put a cap on all of this, I got the pectin for half off :D  Oh how glorious...

2) Mason Jar Centerpieces

I needed 3 different sizes of Mason jars for each centerpiece - 250mL ($1.44ea), 500mL ($0.67ea), and 1L ($1.33ea). 
The specialty shape of the 250mL, I probably still need to spend the big bucks on those.  But I managed to get the 500mL at $0.32ea and the 1L at $0.45ea and get this - I asked my friend and fiance to check the Superstores close to them and they were all out EXCEPT for the store 5 minutes from my house.  I couldn't be more blessed :)  That definitely helped me save some money on centerpieces and I can re-use the jars for food afterwards.  Another things not wasted ^_^.

3) Gourmet Catering

Due to the huge number of people in our lives, were are limited in who we can invite to the reception.  So as a thank you to the lovely people who will be attending our ceremony only, I wanted to provide some nice snacks for them while they wait to have their pictures taken.  I was going to add the food prep as part of my DIY but the idea of having to organize all the food (which is perishable) the day before the wedding was already stressing me out - and then getting people to store and transport them...ugh!  It probably would have been a bad idea and I was going to get professional caterers to do it but that'll cost an arm and a leg. 

Amazingly, a student of mine is planning on starting an event planning company with a group of older friends.  They've already planned a very successful party over the summer, serving hors d'oeuvres and desserts.  One of her friends makes macarons as a side business and the other thrifts and creates her own serving platters and tea cups.  All of this fits perfectly into the theme of the wedding.  I asked her if her friends are interested in working the wedding to build their portfolio and experience if I gave them a budget for the food.  They happily accepted and I'm ecstatic.  I really didn't want to ask my guests to miss the ceremony so they can set up the food. 

4) Gorgeous Photography

Having met Jun (Kunioo) years ago when we both just started our thing, I never expected that he would grow to be such an amazing wedding photographer.  Him doing multiple pre-wedding photoshoots at an affordable price makes us (Jason and me) feel like millionaires even though we are at a budget.  These memories will last a lifetime and you just can't put a price on that.  I'm so thankful that Jun came into my life ever so randomly all those years ago.  Who would've thought?


There are many more blessings that I still haven't mentioned but I gotta say often times, I feel so distant from God and I wonder why I don't feel His presence.  However, I've learned over the years with Jason's career and all, that God's planning is WAY more advanced than ours. 
He put me at a particular place at a particular time (kairos - hello! cell group ftw) and inserted people into my life years before which will help me get through many obstacles that I would come across.  It just keeps reminding me that no matter what seems bleak ahead of us, there's really no need to worry because He will always provide.  And that kind of faith in every aspect of my life is what I hope to achieve.

Fragile - Treat with Care

Relationships - no matter how long it has endured, once one party has given up, it's gone.  A relationship never fixes itself. 

But how worth it is it to fix? 

Is it worth it to fix a relationship between you and another if it'll potential damage another relationship?

If relationships are the only things we can take with us, is it still possible that some relationships are not meant to be there at all?  

Are some relationships only meant to endure for a specific purpose in a specific point in time?

Why do simple things seem more and more complicated as I age?  =_= 

Still learning, still immature, still imperfect

The last little while has been such an emotional roller coaster for me.  This whole teacher job action has been extremely frustrating.  I like things simple.  I really don't like politics.  It yanks the meaning out of teaching.

First of all, I just want to point out why most teachers choose this career path:

• Our job is meaningful and fulfilling (usually). 
  Despite the fact that some may appear sarcastic and bitter, they actually do enjoy the company they keep.  There's really nothing more fulfilling than seeing the kids grow from grade 8 to graduation.
  When they thank you, you feel like your job really means something.  I've had to write several recommendation letters this year since my first group of grade 9s are graduating and they need it for entrance into post-secondary schools and for attaining scholarships/awards.  I really didn't have a lot of trouble writing them because they are amazing.  And for the ones who ask for reference even if I don't know them, I just reject it politely because I'm not going to lie.  I'm excited that these brilliant people will be leaders of our future.
  
  
• We enjoy the subject area.
  Foods is a passion of mine.  Actually...eating is.  But nevertheless, I try my best to teach my 'nonacademic' and 'useless' subject with passion because I'm not looking at the blank stares and the snoring students.  I'm looking at the super passionate ones who finds this an adventurous path and a way out from attaining a degree they don't care for, just to obtain a job they hate.  And I'm so proud when I see them living the dream.  This is applicable to all subject areas.
  
  
• We are lifelong learners.
  I honestly never cooked before my practicum.  Everything in university is so theoretical.  I can talk about world nutrition and food science, yet not be near actual ingredients.  So I spent years (and currently) practicing every new dish and technique several times and tweaking the lab plan before I stand in front of the class.  Every worksheet I make up, I check references to ensure that it's up to date and truthful.  As long as I've been teaching, I've been learning and enriching my life with so much more knowledge than I started with. 
  
  If you think you can just 'be' a teacher and read off a textbook, you're kidding yourself.  There are 30 pairs of eyes every hour judging everything you do and questioning you, expecting you to know the correct answers.  If you don't, they are not shy to make you feel pretty bad about yourself.  It's a big responsibility.  
  For those who do not know, Professional Days are non-paid days requested to be added into the school year by teachers so that we can continually learn and improve ourselves.
  
  
• We love the kids
  I find it funny how so many people assume teachers 'hate' them.  I hear that a lot.  'Ms. X hates me.  She always picks on me.'  I can tell from standing on the other side that there's just no time to hate any particular student. 
  If I pick on you, I want to know that you know what's going on.  If I'm hard on you, it's because I think that tough love is what will push you to grow.  If I'm nice to you, it's because I think gentle encouragement is what will help you be courageous to step up.  If I punish you, it's a consequence for you knowing and doing the wrong thing - not because I'm mean and enjoy it.  I don't treat all students the same way because not all students are the same.  Parents should understand where I'm coming from.
  
  Teachers sponsor sporting teams, clubs, and other extracurricular activities that more often than not, cut into lunch and after school hours.  There's so much value in these activities because it gives students different life lessons, different experiences, different perspectives that will also help them grow. 

With all that affirmed, why is it that when teachers go on job action, there are so many negative reactions towards them?  Common insensitive comments:

• You get 3 months off a year!  No other job gets that.
  Technically speaking, our salary is calculated with the 'vacation' as unpaid.  Unlike most jobs that start with two weeks paid vacation and increases as years go on (and yes, some jobs actually give up to two months paid vacation), teachers don't have that luxury.  Especially if you are only part-time or a teacher-on-call, you need to find other means of paying bills/rent/mortgage because there's simply large chunks of the year where you don't have a job.  Not to mention the vacation time is always high season so you need to spend excessively high rates to travel or do anything fun.
  
  As for the full-time teachers, if you calculate a person working 7.5 hours, 5 days per week, for 50 weeks (two weeks paid vacation) compared to a full-time teacher working 36 weeks of the year (with unpaid vacation), it works out to each teacher having to work 10hrs25min per day.  I gotta tell you, there are so many days where I work more than these hours (planning, testing recipes, shopping for ingredients, marking, helping students complete missed work, etc) that I definitely work as much as a regular full-timer if not more with no overtime pay.  People think teacher hours = student hours.  It's just simply not the case.  I haven't even factored in extracurricular activities yet.
  
  Do we deserve the break?  Yes because if not, we'd all be burnt out, in a psychiatric hospital, or dead. 
• Teachers are lazy and greedy. 
  Once again, tons of unseen work as per written above that gets little recognition because I'm locked in a classroom by myself working into the wee hours of the night with no witnesses.  Lazy?
  
  As for greedy - everyone can download a copy of the teacher's salary online and those numbers are not even CLOSE to what we actually get.  Do you know how many fees we need to pay to be part of the public system and to keep our teaching license?  Do you realize how much money a teacher pulls from their own pockets to keep their classrooms stocked?  Do you realize how much gas money I've spent shopping for groceries, which I can't write off?  Do you know how much it costs to live in Vancouver???  The cost of living is just too high to keep teachers on a wage-freeze.  It was frozen through the 90s and then there was a small raise in 2005 but we are still far behind other provinces and other countries (compared to cost of living) who actually value teachers.
  
  When people hear about the 15% raise, they flip out and heads are spinning!  But that's over several years meaning that it's only 2-3% increase per year which is just barely keeping up with inflation.  Is that unreasonable?  Private sectors get this even if the company is not doing well and when they do well, they get bonuses and chances to move up and make bigger bucks.  Do people working in public sectors get the same opportunity?  There's always a cap to the maximum you can receive regardless of how much work you put into it and how well you do.  It's a wonder that teachers don't just do the bare minimum that they're paid to do.
• Stop complaining and do your job!
  And please tell us - what's our job?  When a student succeeds, what a good student!  When a student fails, what a bad teacher!  During phase 1, when we stepped back from doing administrative work (not in our job description), there were talk about cutting our pay.  Um...excuse me?
• The government tells us that teachers are the reasons public education is failing
  Hey, have you ever been seen a CEO of a company publicly ranting about how terrible their employees are?  When you go to Walmart and a manager tells you their workers suck, do you feel like shopping there?  Instead of polite interaction, Ms Clark chooses to fight.  It's become Liberals vs. Teachers.  Why? WHY?  What good could come of this?
  Even if teachers are legislated back to work, would they continue to feel value and fulfillment in their job?  Would parents and students and the general public still respect teachers and public education if all this bad press surrounds us?  It’s tearing down a system that allows all people equal opportunity to become educated and build a future for themselves.  Why do this to such a good thing?
  
  

It makes me so angry that I literally spend hours with my head stuck in a gloomy cloud.  So why?  Why do people respond this way? 
I’ve come to the conclusion that we are all very ignorant people.  I’m so thankful for those who understand why we are taking a stand and supporting us through this ordeal.  However, I’ve also learned that I cannot be angry with those who make these rude comments because I’ve also been guilty of assuming something about others as well.  And instead of mature love (“loved because I love”), sometimes I still feel like I’m quite immature (“I love because I’m loved”).  Learning from Christ is the most difficult lesson of all – dying for those who condemn you with only love in His heart.  Sounds so simple but it’s crazy difficult. 

Big lesson for me:  Be tolerant and look pass the ugliness into the person whom God loves.  Look at everyone through His eyes.  Forgive them for they do not know better, as I hope to be forgiven when I make the same mistakes.

Thank you for reminding me at the exact time that I need it...

that I'm defined by God, not by man. 

My identity and future is not to be brought down by what I deem as failure.  All downfalls are opportunities for God to lead me in the correct direction, the more amazing path He already has set out for me.

Praise the Lord with all my soul.

Amen.

God is LOVE...seriously

One of those things that people just say all the time in church - "God is love."

It's along the same lines as "Jesus loves you" and "Christ died for your sins" and all those important things that people should know, hear all the time, but never really know.  Ya know?

Today, while I was trying to explain the purpose of the teacher strike to the students, I found that I was faced with some students who understood, but also a handful of conceited responses that seem to think that everything revolves around them:
"Why are you striking?" "Does that mean we don't get to play sports anymore because of you being on strike (unpaid work)?" "Does that mean we don't get our report cards because you are doing less work (even if it's unpaid work)?" "This is stupid"  "How is this for us?" *tunes out explanation*

In my perspective, what is the point of taking a stand in doing something for these people who don't understand, don't appreciate, and don't care to learn about it?  The terms ignorant, arrogant, short-sighted, self-absorbed, and immediate gratification comes to mind.

Yes, I'm pissed.  Because in a job where most teachers are willing to sacrifice their own pathetic salary in an extremely expensive city to receive a better learning environment for the sake of the students, and receiving rude and condemning responses from the students really stirs up a wrath from within me.

At the same time, each day I go through praying for God to give me love and patience towards the kids, this experience really taught me how God must see us:
A bunch of whiney ninnies who are given a ton of blessings and yet still complains about how unfair life is.  People who think they are better and deserve more than their neighbour.  People who finds delight in seeing others fail just to make themselves feel like more of a winner.  People who does not hesitate to take and feels like it's the biggest thing in the world to sacrifice.

How did God manage not to smite all us???  Because GOD IS LOVE.  And it's damn hard having the power to rid this world of this dysfunctional race and choosing not to do it because He actually loves us that much. 

All I have to say is everyone should be thankful that I'm not God because we'd all be fried chicken by now.

I'm with Stupid

I've been at a spiritual low for awhile now and people (probably the one or two who bothers to read this) will probably find me a dark person considering it's always been something negative I write about.  But I guess I consider this rarely visited blog a place to vent and not always to Jay - which I still do a lot so props to him for not getting pissed at me for being a thundercloud half the time.

Anyways, I know when I'm at a low when I find it so difficult to love another.  When my positive energy is so easily overshadowed by someone's negative energy.  For example, my day is going fine (but fine I mean I'm neither happy, nor sad) and then I go and hang around a person who makes annoying comments for about 2 minutes and I already want to chuck the closest object within hands reach at that person's head.  I honestly wonder to myself when I became so short tempered.  Not like I was that patient to begin with but I was definitely more of a happy-go-lucky person back then who probably wouldn't even notice people who make annoying comments here and there and small gestures and movements that could possibly signify that they are dissing me.  I just didn't used to care because I'm happy not noticing.  So why am I so sensitive and quick to anger now?  I feel like I have very little love to give and I can't blame anyone else because I know that if I'm feeling this way, I must be giving off a negative vibe to someone else as well who will probably not treat me as friendly and closely since I'm probably intimidating and scary to be around. Even if I try to smile and be happy, I have very little to say and I feel distant with people I'm around.  My conversational abilities have shot way down and I'm at a point where I just no longer want to talk to people anymore.  All these qualities I don't want.  I want to be my old self again.  A person who cares about others and want to do more for others and want to make people happy which makes me happy.  At this state, all my energy is going towards appeasing myself and not angering myself which is very selfish.  God seems so far away...or maybe I'm just pushing Him away somehow because my heart doesn't feel the warm glow that should be there since He is living within me.  I need Him now more than ever but waiting for something to happen...just don't know if I'm supposed to wait or do something.

Just today, I was at a friend's house and her husband just has to find a need to comment on the fact that my dad is 'cool' because he's the only non-Christian in my family.  I have no reaction to that other than anger.  I literally wanted to shove my seat back and leave.  I obviously didn't because I know that it's not the right thing to do but I was burning inside.  What does he know about my family difficulties over the years from my dad's side of the family being against us for being Christians?  Not a dang thing!  I don't know why people feel the need to make a comment like that.  It's like going up to a cancer survivor and for no particular reason start saying "You said you had cancer, right?  I don't believe in that.  I think it's all in your head and if you believe you have cancer, then you do.  I never had cancer because I don't believe I would."  I mean it's a dumb example but even from that you can see that it's not socially acceptable to make a demeaning and degrading comment about something you know nothing about and just shove your own ignorant perspective into it.  What purpose does that serve?  How was I supposed to respond to it?  What I really want to know is how is a Christian supposed to respond to it?  Fight it out and stand up for your faith?  Respond in love and understand in your heart that there are people who will persecute you and to set a good example?  Hide under the bed?  I don't know.  It's infuriating.  Yet another day if the life of the anti-sunshine.

Trust?

First off I'll have to admit that I do not plan to continue to blog the gratitude challenge just because I know it'll be an empty promise.  At some point I'll have to figure it out myself for all the things I'm grateful for and to continue to remind myself that God always provides.

Tonight was one of those nights that shakes my faith in another person.  I realize and have experienced negative things with EVERY person that I've come to known as a friend.  I accept those negative traits as just part of who they are and in general, I believe that my friends are good people.  Honestly, I believe that all people are good people in the eyes of someone and I just happen to not be friends with them due to personality differences or maybe because they are no where near me.  In the eyes of God, who sees our vast amount of sins and still loves us and sent His son to die for us.  There has got to be a reason why we are saved.

But what happens when there is a revelation that someone who is one of your close friends is actually not who you thought they were?  That behind that smile, there is something sinister - a purpose for being friends with you planning to someday use you.  That actions and words don't match at all!  Is it possible that having seen that person struggle through so much pain, given up so much for other people, seen that person battling constantly inside themselves and expressing to you their weaknesses - can that person be someone entirely different?  I've always wondered how some people can end up marrying a cheating b*st*rd and not realize it until 20 years later.  How can you be so close, yet so far?  Fools.  That's how I feel like right now.  A big fool.

But what am I supposed to do?  With my personality, faking things is more difficult than just duking it out and end up on bad terms.  At least there's still truth in a scream fest.  What's the point of putting on a smile and putting effort into something you don't believe in?  At this moment, the only reason why I can't demand the truth is because of a different person.  It's like shoving me in a crack in the cement while I get poo smeared on my face from both sides and just take it. 

God please give me wisdom and give me eyes to see the truth - the full truth.

Not giving thanks?

This is a short insert from the very slow thanksgiving blog entries.  I think the reason I'm having a lot of difficulties writing about what I'm thankful for is because I've just been really bitter lately.  It's either the stress from long work hours or lack of sleep or something but I'm so sensitive to any and every negative comment and I have lost all patience with people.  Say something slightly offensive to me and I'd want to backhand smack you.  On top of all that, my bitterness is causing me more stress because I know I shouldn't be like this, but the stress doesn't help me figure it out faster and it's making me more bitter.  Endless cycle!!!  Why have I become like this?  I pray the Lord pull me from this pit soon.  Anyone else who read this blog, I would appreciate if you prayed for me as well.  Thanks in advance.

40 Day Gratitude Challenge - Day 6

Today I'm thankful for:

1.  Getting most of my marks done for term 1 cut-off.  Tiring work =_=
2. Jason coming to visit me as a sit in a dark corner inputting my marks.
3. Having dinner ready as I got home.  Having a home-cooked meal after starving for a couple of hours tastes extra good =)
4. My Catering Club - JOLLY CORNER CAFE - is under way!  Anyone want some delicious treats come by my school on Dec 14 at 3:30pm and hang out at our cafe.  Who needs bubble tea anyways?
5. Korean dramas - they're so much more interesting than I thought they'd be.  Brilliant Legacy gave me hours of good entertainment, much sleep deprived because it's so addictive.
6. Christmas!  Regardless, it's still one of my favourite times of the year because it brings back so many happy memories.  Still waiting for that carriage ride through Central Park and seeing the big Christmas tree in New York to complete my fantasy.
7. My car being fixed for a decent price.  Really didn't expect to have such a gaping hole in my wallet but praise the Lord for giving me a car and providing me with a job to pay for the many unfortunate incidences.  To be honest, it could have been a lot worse.  Who knows what accident I might have gotten into if I'd made it to the big streets?
8. My dad for going around and finding an inexpensive autobody shop for me and negotiating prices for me and checking up on my car while it's being fixed (it's near his work place).  Makes me feel less like I'm going to be gypped because I'm a girl who knows not much about cars.
9. Korres eyeliner deal at Lynnwood!  Originally went down because Jason wanted to pick up a board game but I ended up getting the deal.  One of my fave black pencil eyeliner is by Korres which I picked up at Sephora for $21.  Found a limited time package deal of 10 eyeliners for only $32.50 (USD plus tax).  WOW!
10. Warm baths - somehow particular enticing this time of year.  So comfy... *gurgle drown* j/k!

40 Day Gratitude Challenge - Day 5

Haha I'm SO slow with this challenge but it's moving along:

Today I'm thankful for:

1. Snow!  I think you either love it or hate it.  For me, snow has it's inconveniences but it always bring back happy childhood feelings.  I remember living in my first house, looking up at the snow falling until it feels like I'm flying up towards the sky.  I guess this is why they say early childhood experiences are important in shaping your life?
   
2. Warm home - when it's cold outside, I feel blessed to be inside my warm house admiring the beauty.
   
3. Youtube - endless videos that show super talented people showcasing their skills.  It really opens up my eyes to what kind of gifts are out there.  Then again, I need to stay away from beauty reviews because it always makes me want to shop =S
   
4. The big kitchen warehouse sale.  I originally thought I couldn't go because it was by invitation only, but my colleague sent me her invitation so I could go.  Bought lots of kitchenware goodies.  I'm quite as addicted to kitchenware as I am to make-up.  Bought pie/cake pans, egg poacher, pancake stencils, mini sifter, a mini mandoline, an apple peeler/corer/cutter, and a bunch of random stuff I probably won't need but nice to have if I ever need it. :)
   
5. Vegas trip - we are going!  I was looking forward to traveling this winter holiday.  It's motivating me to get through the year one break at a time.  After this it's planning something for spring break =)  Let me know if you guys have ideas!  So far it's my sisters and Jason.  Gonna be a fun time!
   
6. Columbia jacket - bought it last time when Jason, his parents and I went to the states.  Jason is a Columbia fan because he loves all his jackets he gets from there so he convinced me that it's better than investing in another North Face jacket.  It was a great deal and is a double so I can wear both layers or just the thinner one underneath.  I think it'll really come in happy now that it's going to be a cold winter.
   
7. My car - yes it's been busted since the first month I got it due more to the crazy snowfall in 2008 more than my driving skills.  But despite it's ugly battle scars that make a 2 year old car look so beaten down, it's been reliably taking me to travel different destinations and giving me the freedom to go where I want.  I even made it down to Oregon and back!
   
8. Nails - this one is random but I've been into nail art since Paula did my nails and I'm happy to have relatively nicely shaped nails to work with.
   
9. Friends - don't see them a lot these days but it's nice they still remember me enough to send invites for gatherings.  Always nice to know that there are people out there who like me (well...most of the time anyways :D)
   
10. My bed - warm and snuggly and have been there for me for over 10 years.  Gonna jump in and bundle up now.  Good night!!!

40 Day Gratitude Challenge - Day 4

I know I'm way behind on this challenge but still moving along.

Today I'm thankful for:

1. A relatively short staff meeting, and I was not nodding off!
2. Being able to finish making my Preservation Arts test for the grade 11/12s.
3. Double of my spare blocks due to the Remembrance Day assembly next week!  I get a break between 9:25am-12:35pm!  Now to think of something totally unproductive to do during that time...
4. The newly put together Christian Club - first meeting I went to today, we played Biblical Charades.  Was lots of fun and nice to see familiar faces of students I didn't know were Christians.
5. Ursula who seeked to resolve our tiff by buying me a larger container of Ben & Jerry's ice cream.
6. The man who was very rude, came up to me and Jason and told us off for the driving mistake his son made, and then proceeded to walk away and not listen to our explanation.  We were on our way to church (and so was he).  Jason and I were very angry and felt disrespected.  But through the sermon, we found peace.  Jason was also reminded and shared with me that God often feels how we feel.  Because often when we pray, we rarely listen, but just us spewing out our needs to God.  If we felt angry and unjustified, I can't imagine how God feels.  A good reminder and food for thought.
7. Finding the cheaper version of a higher recommended lip liner.
8. The mini-Halloween chocolate bars.  I feel less guilty eating small ones (now it's just a matter of keeping the numbers to a minimum).
9. The ability to drive to work in the pouring rain and dark mornings.
10. The pouring rain and dark mornings - sounds strange but the change it weather makes me think of Christmas.  Plus waking up and going to work in the dark somehow makes me feel like I woke up earlier than usual and therefore more productive.

Goodnite!

40 Day Gratitude Challenge - Day 3

Today, I'm thankful for...

1. Jason's dad driving us all down to the states for a bit of shopping.
2. Having some leftover US dollars to use so no need to convert more out of my account.
3. Finding a very warm Columbia winter jacket (thanks to Jason's suggestion since he's a fan) to replace my 5 year old pink puffy North Face jacket.  It was on sale from $210 down to $150 and then an additional 25% off.  And it's actually 2 in 1 so I can unzip the top layer and just wear the bottom layer (which alone costs $70).  Great deal for a quality jacket. 
4. Being able to go find the handbag my sister wanted to buy for my mom at the Coach outlet store, get to the cashier and pay before a huge line-ups formed in- and outside of the store.
5. Being able to sleep during the long car ride.
6. Finding the Revlon Super Lustrous lip gloss colours that are not yet (or maybe they won't be available at all) in Vancouver stores!  Been searching in every London Drugs, Shoppers Drug Mart, Superstore, and Walmart around here and no luck until today at Target.  And better  yet, the prices is half of what they sell it here.
7. Finding mini Haagen Dazs and Ben & Jerry ice cream for $1 each (don't get to indulge that like everyday!)
8. Eating some delicious steak once again at Outback Steakhouse.
9. Getting through the borders without waiting too long and with no hassle.
10. Getting home safely from the mini road-trip.

40 Day Gratitude Challenge - Day 2

Today, I'm thankful for...

1. Having a toilet available when I was suddenly attacked with a major stomachache after what I suspect as eating some old ham.
2. The cool sensation of tiger balm rubbed on my belly.  It reminds me of childhood.
3. Getting paid and being able to pay off my hefty visa bill.
4. Having some Christian students (none of the ones I'm teaching this year) drop by after school and had a short but rather nice chit-chat on science and Christianity.
5. The sunny weather which brightens up my mood, but chilly enough to keep groceries in the car rather than stuffing my refrigerator =)
6. My sweet student who wrote Happy Birthday on a piece of wrapped gum when she found out it was Jason's birthday.
7. My new computer - it's so much faster and the screen is so much brighter!
8. Praise 106.5 - my radio station for the past three years where God uses music and sermons that speak to me.
9. My bed - it's so comfortable *snuggle*
10. The ability to snooze, hopefully dreamlessly, tonight.

40 Day Gratitude Challenge - Day 1

I've accepted Tessa's (http://amileinherheels.blogspot.com/) challenge:
*Tessa Tham Hey BHLC Bloggers!! Let's do this challenge as suggested by CP. Blog about 10 things you're thankful for, daily for the next 40 days :) We should give thanks everyday. Not only on Thanksgiving! Danielle Mah Shauna Lim Paul Chong Aaron S.H. Lo Kevin K Chong Elena Tsang*

Hopefully there never comes in time in my life when I'm no longer thankful.  Praise the Lord for this challenge.

1. Mom: 
   Cooking dinner for us every night despite the long, tough work hours.  Preparing my lunch for me so I can just grab it out of the fridge (good job, food teachers), and doing household chores on her day off.  My schedule would be way more packed without her, and I know I don't deserve it.
2. Dad:
   Working from 5am-8pm everyday to be our provider of many of the luxuries in life while he skimps on himself.  Please Lord, don't let me forget to pray that he will eventually open his heart up to You.
3. Theo:
   Kindhearted and inspires me to be a person I used to be.  He's still often more patient than most of us in the family and reminds me of my popo.  His negative traits are a reminder of what we've taught him.  How shameful I am to not have been a better example. 
4. Ursula:
   For sharing her love of fashion and her life issues with me, despite the constant backlash she gets from a tough-love type of sister (yes, both for shopping and for other life problems).
5. Brenda:
   For continuing to keep in touch with the family even after having married and moved out.  For her understanding in many situations and rarely ever making me feel guilty.
6. Jason:
   For dropping by after school to surprise me with a screamer and helping me supervise my kids while I make my grocery runs, for being patient even when I'm not reasonable, and for showing me how to have healthy relationships.
7. Catering Club
   During my practicum, I wished for students who were like my sponsors'.  They hung out in the classroom, shared their life with them, and jumped to help out whenever possible.  During that time, I was inspired seeing that they have such a connection and I wondered if I would ever have that.  For the past 3 years of teaching, I have almost immediately gained my own lovely group of kids, known as the Catering Club who are willing to do just that.  They make my job worthwhile.
8. My teaching job
   After receiving the lay-off notice at the end of the last school year, I'm thankful to once again be teaching full-time without financial worry.
9. My make-up job
   The consistent flow of clients, even when unexpected.  Thank you friends for your referrals, for believing in my work, and for allowing me to do what I enjoy.
10. God
    For without Him, none of the above would be possible.  Just as I was listening to a sermon on Praise 106.5 last night, often we take too much credit for what He has blessed us with.  He's reminded me to be humble and loving, a challenge I constantly need to battle with.

I tried to be specific because if I'm any more general, I'm sure I'll be repeating myself day in and day out.  I guess last thing I'm going to say is that I'm thankful I'm at home typing this today rather than still being at work =)

A pair of shoes I'm currently craving but know that it'll be a bad idea to buy them because they're too high and I'll be limping within 5 minutes of wearing them on concrete.  Why do my feet not have any cushion?!

EDIT

I changed my mind after going in and trying it.  It doesn't look as good on the feet as it does by itself, though it is quite a work of art.  I ended up trying on and loving these peach shoes that reminds me of my mom's back when we were kids.  Very retro but I love it!

Just passing by

We are a moment, You are forever
Lord of the Ages, God before time
We are a vapor, You are eternal
Love everlasting, reigning on high

Holy, holy, Lord God Almighty
Worthy is the Lamb Who was slain
Highest praises, honor and glory
Be unto Your name, be unto Your name

We are the broken, You are the healer
Jesus, Redeemer, mighty to save
You are the love song we'll sing forever
Bowing before You, blessing Your name

I hear music from afar!

Do you wonder why you have to feel the things that hurt you?  

If there's a God who loves you, where is He now?

Or maybe there are things you can't see.

And all those things are happening to bring a better ending.

Someday, somehow you'll see, you'll see.

Would you dare, would you dare to believe
that you still have a reason to sing?

'Cause the pain that you've been feeling,
it can't compare to the joy that's coming.

So hold on, you gotta wait for the light. 
Press on and just fight the good fight.

'Cause the pain that you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning.

My friend, you know how it all ends and you know where you're going.

You just don't know how you'll get there, so say a prayer!

And hold on, 'cause there's a God who loves you. 
But life is not a snapshot.
It might take a little time, but you'll see the bigger picture.

Once you feel the weight of glory, all your pain will fade to memory.

Come on, you gotta wait for the light. 
Press on and just fight the good fight.
'Cause the joy that you've been feeling,
it's just the hurt before the healing.
Oh the pain that you've feel feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning.

-Josh Wilson-

I adore this song.  I don't think I've changed my radio from Praise 106.5 for the last two years, because the songs are so uplifting and constantly surrounds me with God's love.  Josh Wilson's song "Before the Morning" really helps remind me that the pain we experience is always there for a reason, and it paves a path for a better ending.  Just have faith in God with whatever happens in life.  Without suffering, we will not understand compassion.  Without the poor, we will not appreciate our riches.  When we focus on the negative, things only seem to get worse and often times we make crazy decisions during our depressed times which just leads to more pain.  But it's undeniable that worst of times brings out the best in some people and God's grace is manifested.  That Light is what makes life worth living.

P.S.  Happy 17th Birthday bro!

Life

It's been awhile since the last update.  A lot has happened since then with the building up of Envy Me being the biggest one.  I've decided to leave my beauty blogging on my new website (elenatsang.wordpress.com) which is also the website you can refer friends to if they want to see my make-up work =)

This blog is now dedicated to my encounters, musings, and walk with God - the basis of my life.  This Easter, I've felt less emotional than other years.  But in quiet realization, I've decided to revive my bible study life.  My faith is always and has always been there, and it does not sway (at least not dramatically).  However, I've always neglected picking up the bible and really getting to know God's word.  After watching the Discovery Channel show "Who Framed Jesus?"  I felt like there is a need to know the Scriptures well to be able to not be swayed by documentaries who use Scriptures to deduce their conclusions my faith.

God has really blessed me over the past year.  I have no complaints, other than my own behaviour being less than pleasing to God (forgive me please!).  Everything has been smooth sailing.  With the cutting back of teachers, I've yet to feel the sting of the axe (though I can't say for sure since 100 teachers are supposedly going to be laid off this year in Richmond).  Envy Me has been provided with multiple blessings in its growth - God sending the right people to help develop us and give us a brighter future. My career, despite the hard work I need to put into it, feels like it's riding on the will of God.  Even if this all changes tomorrow, I'm not worried because who's to say that God doesn't have a bigger and better plan for me?  Life is good.

Tessa's Contest

Above you see the "Thomas Paul Cotton Gauze Scarf in Swoop Aqua!  This scarf is 100% cotton, and has been beautifully hand-screened by the fabulous designer Thomas Paul."

How would I wear this scarf?  Since the scarf is light coloured and very intricate in design, I wouldn't want my outfit to take away from it at all.  And to be true to my own style, denim is a must.  So my outfit would compose of:

• A simple, black, v-neck cotton shirt or sweater
• A pair of plain gray or dark blue straight-leg jeans
• Black (or aqua since I love colourful shoes and it matches with the scarf!) pumps
• And perhaps a set of small silver dangly earrings

 This contest is open to Canada/U.S.  To visit Tessa's blog, click on this post title :)

A marvelous shopping trip!

For women, at least for me, finding a great bargain makes a shopping trip just so worth it!  Don't need to buy a lot.  Just a few lovely items will make my day.

Saturday, Jay and I drove down to the states just to chill, and since people were coming up for the Olympics rather than going down, there were no line-ups at the border (yay!) .  After watching the vlog of MissChievous (youtube her! She's fab!)  I went to the Cosmetic Company Store in Seattle Premium Outlets and picked up these:

The Bobbi Brown Shimmer Brick in Platinum Pink.  This is great to giving you that healthy glow, especially nice on people with fair skin.  Normally $40, I picked it up for $25.  I wanted the Shimmer Brick in Copper Diamond as well but it was $3 more so I cheaped out.  The colours are beautiful and can be worn over your favourite blush because it's so sheer.

 

 MAC pigments.  I was jumping-out-of-my-jacket excited when I saw this at the store!  I really wanted to get this set during the holidays (it's one of three of the holiday gift collections of 2009) but it was around $38, which was a bit pricey for me.  I wanted it so badly, particularly because of the glitter that I placed right in front.  It's so amazingly shimmery, it looks like the night sky.  My friend bought it at The Bay MAC counters because they were sold out in the MAC stores.  Unfortunately, make-up artist discounts don't work at The Bay locations, so I couldn't make myself pull out the bills.  I am on a budget after all.  I had to step back and have a wee bit of will power.  Well, that sure paid off!  I found this gem for $22.75!  It was such a great deal, I purchased the pink/purple set as well for Paula's birthday since they're her favourite colours.  So excited I practically skipped out of the store back to my car.

The Forever21 store in Metro is great but they should have a For Love 21 here as well.  It's a great accessory store, branched from Forever 21.  It's way cheaper and the stuff is much nicer than Claire's/Icing/Ardene.  I bought these lace stockings for $5.80 each.  Love them!  I actually love stockings or leggings in general because I don't like showing bare legs unless I'm dying of heat, and they really dress up a mundane outfit.  I already have multi-coloured ones and polka-dots!

On top of these, I purchased a couple of shirts, but not really worth showing.

Dinner was at Outback Steakhouse.  I gotta say this is my favourite place for steak - EVER!  I'm definitely a steak person.  The sheer pleasure of eating a perfectly cooked filet tenderloin is indescribable.  It's probably the second time in my life that I've ever had steak that melts in your mouth (first time was in Las Vegas - Paris Hotel - Le Cafe).  It's so delicious!  And they sure know how to cook their steaks.  Usually when I order medium-rare, it comes out as medium.  Never as juicy as I'd like it to be.  We ordered a 20 oz Porterhouse steak with two sides (garlic mashed potatoes and sweet potato), which was plenty for the both of us to share.  Here's the kicker - $26.95!  You can probably get a 6oz steak at Milestones for that price.  We ordered the same steak at Shore Club for $50 and I think this one tastes even better.  Not to mention the service is great, and I don't have to dress up and yet still feel inferior while I make a mess cutting and eating my free loaf of bread =D  Ah, my tongue is still dancing.

All in all, a marvelous trip!